A controlling relationship is the type of relationship where one dominates, manipulates or intimidate their partner just to be in charge of the relationship.
Most times, we don’t realize that our partner is going to be controlling in the relationship. Maybe, as a result of how calm and innocent they look at the beginning of the relationship. But as time goes on, you begin to notice that they are the ones giving orders on what you should and shouldn’t do in the relationship. It is a sign of a controlling partner in a relationship.
A boyfriend who controls often does that through emotional abuse, physical abuse or manipulations. For instance, nagging attitude, criticism, isolating you from your friends, decreasing your self-worth or confidence, trying to know everything about you at a time, having no respect or regards for your privacy etc. All these are signs your boyfriend is controlling.
These controlling behaviours manifest in the form of expectations by compelling you to cater to their needs and be subjected to them at all time.
“Controlling people often prey upon those they’re closest to, taking advantage of others’ introversion, submissive tendencies, or simple good faith,” says Yesh Sewdayal.
A controlling Bf often executes such behaviours as a result of insecurity. He is simply afraid of losing you. On the other side, some boyfriends control their girlfriend just to show their masculinity (qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men. For instance, strength)
Having known these, how then do you identify a controlling man?
12 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend.
1. He’s always nagging:
One of the signs your boyfriend is controlling you is if he displays a nagging attitude. He constantly harasses you to do something. Most times, he will want those things done now (quickly). If he behaves this way, then he is a dominant boyfriend.
2. He isolates you from your friends:
If your Bf is controlling, he will not only isolate you from your male friends but will also turn you against them. You will no longer have time for your friends. He gets jealous whenever he sees you discussing with a male friend. Not only that, but he will tell you he doesn’t like them, and most times, he will threaten to break up with you if you don’t stop mingling with them.
3. You are always wrong and apologizing:
A controlling guy is always on the defensive. He never apologizes or appreciates your efforts. In fact, he is always right (Mr Perfect). You are always wrong in his sight and you end up apologizing even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
A boyfriend who wants to be the head in a relationship often turns their fault on you. All he wants is to make you feel like you’re not doing it right, you are not being committed in the relationship, or may even make you feel like you’re a bad girlfriend who is not empathetic enough.
4. He threatens to break up with you if you don’t agree with him:
When he wants you to do something, and you feel like what he’s telling you to do is wrong, he will threaten to leave the relationship if you don’t comply. All he’s doing is to use his manipulative schemes on you just to favour himself. He throws tantrums whenever you disagree with him.
5. You don’t make decisions for yourself:
A manipulative boyfriend does not allow you to stand for yourself. For instance, you want to visit a friend, but he would not allow you except you tell him who you want to visit or go out with.
He may sound protective (like he’s protecting you), but he is indirectly controlling you. He fights very hard to be your sole provider.
6. He disregards your privacy:
If your boyfriend does not respect your privacy, then he is a controlling partner.
He does not take permission from you before accessing your phone. He checks your phone to read your messages or chat, he monitors you to know who called you, who you’re discussing with, etc. He’s always spammy. All these are signs your boyfriend is controlling you.
7. He makes himself the center of attention:
A dominant boyfriend wants to be seen as the most important person in the relationship. He wants you to realize that you can do nothing without him. He wants you to make him your priority. Any time you fail to call or return his call, he gets angry. Whenever you do something without consulting him first, he feels bad and stops talking to you at that moment.
8. He forces you to do certain things:
A boyfriend that subdues will always force you to speak or act in a certain way. Most times, he exaggerates events to his own favour. Anytime you go out without him, then be ready to answer all his questions.
9. He abuses you:
A controlling Bf execute his behavour through sexual, emotional or any kind of physical abuse. You feel drained after being together. He controlling man is most times toxic.
Are you confused about a toxic partner? Here are the signs you’re in a toxic relationship.
10. His love is conditional:
A controlling partner will always give you terms and conditions for loving you. For instance ‘I will continue loving you if”, I won’t break up with you if”, if you continue acting this way, I will” etc. All these are signs your boyfriend does not love you unconditionally. He’s only using these terms just to manipulate you.
How to deal with a controlling Bf
The best way to deal with a boyfriend that controls is to confront him. Face the problem with courage. Let him know that you are not happy with the way he’s treating you. While confronting him, be careful with your words. Don’t use offensive words on him as that may result in a fight. If he fails to listen to you, walk away from the relationship if you can no longer cope with the situation. It is better to be single and happy than to be in a bad relationship.