Relationship anxiety is real. Overthinking yourself in a relationship happens to everyone. It is often caused by anxiety and depression. If you ever find yourself overanalyzing everything that happens in your relationship, here’s how to stop overthinking in a relationship before it ruins your love life.
Constantly worrying about your partner, the future, or your relationship can take away your peace of mind. It can give you a sleepless night while trying to figure out what is wrong with your partner, how they feel about you, and whether you are still good enough for them. All these thoughts can bring fear into your life, and turn you into an overthinker.
Research shows that overthinking is a psychological disorder, and not just what you do intentionally. People with a generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) feel extremely worried or feel nervous about things even when there is little or no reason to worry about them.
Read also: How to date someone with anxiety.
Why do you overthink your relationship?
Depression and insecurity contribute to why people overthink in a relationship. For instance, you doubt your partner’s feelings for you, you wonder if you still matter to your partner, or that they are no longer interested in the relationship. All these feelings come in the form of anxiety and then cause you to overthink yourself.
Long ago, I met an old friend (my crush) on Facebook and we became very good friends. But as time went on, I started complaining about everything. I wasn’t really sure why I felt that way. I became worried about how she feels about me, whether she’s still interested in the relationship or not, and whether I’m good enough for her. This made me start seeing faults where there were none.
This is how it feels when you are too worried about your relationship and start to think too much about it. You will find out that you get obsessed with everything, including your relationship. Not only that, but you always point an accusing finger at your partner, and also doubt your partner’s feelings for you, and your fate in the relationship. But if you should take out time to examine your feelings, you will notice that you are just probing everything that happened between you and your partner. Maybe you had a little misunderstanding before, or that you are just confused about how your partner feels about you. It happens to everyone.
What is overthinking a sign of?
Overthinking is a sign of anxiety and depression in a relationship. The fear of not living up to your partner’s expectations, lack of confidence in how they feel about you, and how your relationship will look like in the future, can make you sad and overthink yourself while you are in love. This happens more for those in a new relationship.
Read also: Dating tips for new relationships.
How overthinking can ruin a relationship
Being Obsessed over little things and situations can negatively affect your mood and diminish your self-esteem. You might end up losing yourself and struggle to create a deep bond with your significant other. And as you know, intimacy is needed for a relationship to remain healthy.
How do you know you’re overthinking a relationship?
Relationship anxiety can make you obsessed with everything that happens between you and your partner. Here’s how to tell if you are worrying too much about your relationship.
Signs you’re overthinking in a relationship.
1. You never stop worrying
Relationship anxiety can make you always complain about your partner and how they feel about you. For instance, you keep wondering if you really matter to him or her, whether they still love you, or that you are not living up to their expectations. All these are signs you are overthinking your relationship.
2. You are anxious to know how your partner feels about you
Fear brings curiosity to a person. And when you are obsessed with your relationship, you will always want to know how your partner feels about you. This can make you never stop thinking and worrying about your relationship, and it can negatively affect your mood and your love language.
3. You self-sabotage your relationship
Self-sabotaging a relationship means trying to destroy your own relationship, whether consciously or subconsciously. And those who overthink their relationships fall victim to this even without knowing. For example, you criticize your partner as a result of what you thought about them. You Hold grudges, have unrealistic expectations, and engaging in unhealthy behaviors.
4. You keep pondering on your previous conversations with your partner
Overthinking can bring a flashback of the conversation (whether online or heart to heart) you had with your partner in the last 6 months or 1 year, and make it seem new to you. You may even find yourself reading and re-reading your and your partner’s old text messages. Not only that, but you keep pondering on them to identify what you said wrong in the past, or how your relationship looks like, before.
5. You find it difficult to commit
You just can’t believe that your partner is the right person for you. The reason why you are feeling this way is because of the series of thoughts going on in your mind. And as you know, commitment is the serious stage of a relationship. But you constantly obsess about all the things that could go wrong in the future and focus more on your partner’s negative traits.
6. You often feel confused
Too many thoughts about your relationship can end you up in a confused state. Even your partner can tell that something is wrong with you. For instance, your mood or emotions suddenly change, you speak an abnormally or incoherent speech, you spend all your time over-analyzing your thoughts and your partner’s feelings. Not only that, but you can discover that you find it difficult to be your true self again.
How to stop overthinking in a relationship
Do you feel obsessed with your relationship? Here’s how to not overthink in a relationship.
1. Find out what is bothering you
There must be an undisclosed issue bothering you, that is getting you obsessed with your relationship. And the only way to solve this is to discover the main reason why you feel that way. You can never find a solution to a problem, or avert something without, first, discovering what the issues are.
I want you to take out some time to analyze your feelings. Ask yourself questions to know why you always dwell in your brain for a long time (think too much). It may be as a result of how you feel about your partner, what they said in the past, your hope, or presumption about your relationship.
Do you find yourself doubting your partner’s love for you? Are you afraid of committing to him or her? Or do you feel like your partner is no longer interested in the relationship? If these are your feelings, then why do you feel that way? You need to analyze your emotions.
I shared a story above about when I had the same issue of overthinking my relationship. I assumed a lot of things about my friend. But immediately I settled down to examine my feelings, I discovered I was obsessed with my relationship.
2. Discuss your feelings with your partner
After discovering why I was overanalyzing my relationship, the next thing I did was to address the issue with my partner. Before then, I stopped calling her for a long time. But the day I decided to resolve the issues that have been bothering me, I decided to text her- “It seems you are no longer interested in our friendship.” She felt bad and apologized for making me feel that way. After everything, I was able to settle the matter and equally regained my happiness.
You see, I was able to solve this problem simply because I discussed my feelings with my partner. Your partner may not really know what is going on in your mind until you share it with them. But it will only become a burden to you if you decide to keep your feelings to yourself.
Therefore, to stop overthinking your relationship, open up to your partner and tell them how you feel about the relationship. If there are some habits they’re displaying you don’t like, say it out and resolve the issues once and for all.
3. Free your mind from those negative emotions
Dwelling on your past feelings and thoughts about your partner and your relationship can hinder you from focusing on your relationship. Therefore, try to free yourself from those negative emotions you have towards your partner. You can distract yourself with some fascinating activities, or go out with your friends.
Additionally, make new friends, especially online, and actively chat with them whenever you feel you are overanalyzing your relationship.