Friendship is one of the most important aspect of life. Friends offer support in time of needs, and stand firm in time of adversary. But what if your friendship is one-sided? Will you enjoy any of these benefits of having a friend?
In a one-sided friendship, you are the only one reaching out and making all efforts to sustain the connection. When they are in need, you make every effort to help them out, but when it is your turn, they withdraw.
This type of friendship hurts. It leaves you confused as you will be wondering if you’ve done anything wrong to hurt them.
But you can’t really tell what is going on, because you often show much interest in their well-being, but they show little or no interest in you or your needs.
One of the ways you can identify a one sided friendship is that you do all the calling. Your friend only call you when they are in need, or a day before their birthday to remind you of their gift.
Most times, when you complain that they’re not getting in touch with you, they will simply claim they’re busy. It is a sign of a lopsided friendship.
I have been in such friendship before, and I know how it feels.
Unlike unrequited love, an imbalanced friendship reduces your self-esteem. You will keep wondering whether you are good enough to have this person as your friend.
Below are more ways to tell if your friendship is not balanced.
1. You try harder to get their attention
If you find yourself trying to force your friend to give you a little of their time, then your friendship is one-sided.
In a balanced friendship, your friend knows your worth, and therefore, gives you their maximum attention. But in a lopsided friendship, your friend does not make you their priority.
They don’t open up to you. Also, they ignore you most times, claiming they are busy. This attitude can make you lose confidence in them.
2. You do all the calling
Your friend doesn’t call you, except when they are in need.
When you complain about them not getting in touch with you, they will apologize and tell you, they are busy.
But on their birthday, Valentine’s day or Xmas, they will be the first to call you, just to remind you of their gift. It is a sign of a one-sided friendship.
A times you may decide to stay for some days without communicating them to know if they will call you, but at the end, they don’t.
When you notice any of these happening between you and your friend, it means your affection is one-sided. The love between you and your friend is not mutual.
A one-sided affection pains. It hurts to love a friend with all your heart and end up not receiving the same level of affection from them.
3. Your love is often taken for granted
They don’t appreciate your efforts, most times.
When you do something nice to them, they will pretend as if they are not aware of what you did. At the end, you will be the one to remind them.
For instance, you sent them a gift on their birthday, instead of calling to appreciate you, they will feel like it is their right. At the end, you will find yourself reminding them of the gifts you sent to them.
4. You are always giving and never receiving
In an unbalanced friendship, you are the cheerful giver. Your friend claims to have nothing to offer. Therefore, you do all the giving.
When their birthday approaches, you become worried about the type of gift you will buy for them. But on your own special day, they most times don’t even wish you a happy birthday.
5. You feel like they’re using you
Everyone in a one sided friendship can tell how bad they feel.
Most times, you will just feel like your friend is using you. A times, you will question if your friendship is real or you are in a fake friendship.
This can leave you in a state of confusion as you don’t know what to expect from them. A times, you will feel lonely because you know they don’t care about you.
You are just the only one committed in the relationship.
How to fix it
1. Talk to them
Tell them how you feel about the friendship. Point out where your friendship feels one-sided, and tell them to let you know if they are still interested in the friendship.
Don’t expect him/her to read your mind or know how you feel. Express your grievances to them and ask them if they are still interested in the relationship.
2. Set boundaries
Setting boundaries will help your friend to know your expectations.
Set boundaries in your communication with them. Let them know that you will stop contacting them if they’re not calling you.
You will not only earn respect for yourself, but they will be more committed to you this time.
3. Withdraw a little bit
Most times, a friendship is one-sided simply because your friend does not know your worth. It is left for you to let them know how important you are to them by distancing yourself.
Withhold your affection a little bit. Stop calling them for the meantime. After two weeks and you didn’t hear from them, then consider ending the friendship. It is not worth your time.
How to end it
1. Be open and tell them
Make your intention clear to them. Let them know how you feel and why you think the friendship is not worth investing in, anymore.
It is better to be single than to live with a fake friend. Tell them that since they’re not ready to commit to the friendship, it is better for you not to continue wasting your time with them.
2. Stop getting in touch with them
After making your intention known to them, the next step is to stop reaching out to him/her. Cease all forms of communication with them.
3. Make new friends
If your friend isn’t loyal to you, you can still find another friend who will be more committed to knowing and loving you more.
Don’t allow your breakup with them bother you so much. Rather, make new friends. You will surely find that friend who sticks more closer than a brother or a sister.
True friendship is built on mutual love, mutual respect, commitment, understanding and attraction. Real friends offer support in time of needs.
No matter how busy they are, they will always have time for you.